Monday, January 5, 2009
From blissfully single Kate’s log:
Time, it’s a precious thing; we’re told this all the time. Certain individuals are wasting more time then they realize, and I’m about to address them. If you have not yet read the side bar titled “what we’re about,” you need to read it.
“What’s time wasting got to do with being happy single?” you might ask. I am a time waster, and I’m finally coming out to say so. How did I waste so much time? By being an unhappy single, rather than a happy one. I wasted months, in fact years. From one relationship to the next, everything in my life depended on the guy I was dating at the time. I wanted to mold my life around his, I wanted to change my passions of life and career path to fit a future with whomever I was serious with at the time. I never stopped to ask myself: What is it I really want to do?
When I started to finally ask myself this question, I realized, I hadn’t given myself the time to even know I wanted anything other than marriage and a family. It’s all I wanted out of life (I thought), and because I didn’t think maybe there are other things that can come first or instead, I lost a whole lot of time, because I wasn’t trying to just be happy as me, and achieving goals I might actually want to achieve.
People waste a lot of time wishing and waiting for someone to spend the rest of their life with, instead of just going out and doing what they want and letting marriage find them.
If you know you want to travel the world, then do it, if you want to start your own business, do it, if you want to be rich, then go out and figure out how to invest or whatever in order to do it. Why do you have to wait for someone to marry to do any of these? Of course when you need help you can always turn to a friend, or a family member. Singleness is not about being alone; it’s about not being romantically involved with someone.
Ladies: Obviously the world is not safe, and maybe you think I’m saying “travel by yourself,” but I’m not, I’m saying, do it with a friend, or a family member, and learn how to be a survivalist and learn self defense. If money is an issue, then why are you waiting to find a man with the money to spend on you so you can accomplish your goals, that’s not what getting married is for. Go out and earn the money and become successful yourself. You could see the world and much more in the time your waiting for that “Mr. Right,” who knows, you might just meet him on your travels or in your business endeavors, but that is not the reason you’re doing it. Get out there, enjoy life, don’t let being single hold you back from what you want.
Guys: I’m sure you waste less time than females do in waiting for that spouse, but don’t let it rule your happiness if you haven’t found that mate for life yet. Enjoy the freedom it gives you to not be tied to someone. You’ll find that confidence as an individual and not always looking for a girl, will attract more girls, but that’s not the purpose of why I’m saying become happy as a single. Why would you want to be unhappy in the time you could be enjoying the freedom of being single rather than having to take care of a family and all the responsibilities that come with that?
There are also the individuals who do anything and everything for the sole purpose of finding a spouse, and hunt other people like a hunter hunts wild game. Getting out and traveling is for your inner happiness and joy of seeing what you see, it’s not about doing it to ignore the beauty around you, because you were to focused on finding a spouse. Do what you enjoy because it’s truly pleasing for you. Don’t do bungee jumping because the guy or girl you’re attracted to does it, do it cause you actually wanted to do it, or don’t do it. You get the idea of what I’m saying.
I want to travel the world, so, instead of moping around wishing I wasn’t alone and crying because I’m not being asked out or because I think I’ll never find anyone to marry, I’m going to do what I want. If some guy out there decides he likes me for who I am and because we have so much in common, and if I’m attracted to him and he isn’t an idiot with silly notions, then I won’t turn him down if he asks me out, but I need to make sure I’m going out with him for all the right reasons, and not because I want someone who has a big pocket book and is willing to fund all my silly little fancies, or because I just am so desperate to be with someone.
If you can live by those rules, you’ll find that whomever you do marry (if you do) won’t be someone you’re eager to divorce in 3 years, because they turned out to be abusive or any other awful thing from a very long list of things that could happen.