Sumdood (in concert with his cousins, Sumgai and Sumwon) has been running around telling studious, hardworking college students they can keep their scholarships, even though they have failed most of their courses and/or have failed to maintain a 2.0 GPA. It has been left to me to inform them that no, a .865 does not satisfy the TOPS requirements, nor is it good enough for the scholarship we gave them at the start of their college careers. I've had many a conversation that go like this:
Feckless Student: "Uh, so, like why is my housing scholarship gone?"
Me: "Name, please?"
Me: "Full name and student ID?"*
FS: "John Doe."
Me: [searching records] "It's because you failed to meet the retainment requirements. They're in the middle of removing scholarships right now, if you refresh the screen you'll see the other half of your scholarship has been removed as well."**
*Yes, I have to remind students to identify themselves. No one teaches phone etiquette anymore. No one teaches any other kind of etiquette either, but that's beside the point. "Hi, this is so-and-so, calling because of __________)." It's not. that. hard.
**Yes, I say it just like that. No, I don't care if I hurt their feelings. I'm dead inside.